I suppose that I only seek meaningful work. That is a simple answer. It always is.

To describe working at a traditional engineering firm, you may hear me talk negatively of the type of work. Privatized research, closed-source for reasons of competition, etc. This can be meaningful, but there are more meaningful ways to provide value to the world. This is where my past experiences and future wishes combine with my decision on graduate school and ultimately a career.

Yes, this is me further breaking down the “do what you love” cliche when approaching life, but I always overthink things anyway, so allow me.

When in a sixty-minute lecture at a small university, I remember the speaker saying that if you wanted to be the absolute best and top in your field, you should follow these steps: some were regarding your productivity: like waking up at 5 and being done with your work for the day at 9 or 10 am. Other tips were regarding being a renaissance man, a jack of all trades who knows a little about a lot. I also remember a picture I took in Maryland, when it was raining on me as I was walking back from a bowling alley, and a sunset appeared  which contained every color in front of me that I have ever laid eyes on in my time on Earth.

I also remember a book that I read 8 years ago, called Essays by Francis Bacon, and how I loved his simple yet revealing and provoking style of writings from the late 1500s and early 1600s. I remember how some ways that he saw life by relationships or finances were mind-expanding, while others I loved to challenge. I also recall a lecture from one of my math professors, in which he stated that on that day in class, we were going to learn a method in differential equations that would finally and fully utilize something that I had been doing since grade 6: using the quadratic equation. Finally, a few years ago, I remember contributing to one of the open-source linux distributions by posting a version bump of a tiny library on the changelog so that the developers could update the repositories: I still run into that changelog every now and then when Googling my name.

Now, the common denominator behind all of these memories? First, let me say how I don’t think that I remember my past like most other people do. In fact, we all certainly have a method or way, as abstract or straight-forward as it may be, to remember our own experiences and life. But through this skewed method that I remember things, I can say that the primary thing that links together every drop of inspiration that I have come across or every muscle that I have moved - is meaning.

Meaning in a conversation. Meaning in having a smoke as the sun rises over the 70 foot pine trees and you wait for the rays to warm your freezing torso.  Meaning hitting you in the face as soon as you wake up. For me, meaning comes by many routes, and I look for more and more routes for it to be able to get to me. The meaning is all around me. I just work on venues that invite it in, and work to push away any entity, person, or culture that would try to keep that meaning from getting to me.

And ultimately, letting me share it with others.

In the present time, I have a looming decision to be made about which graduate school to attend and how to spend the next two to five years of my life. In between the planning and stressing of that, I can’t help but to just live and enjoy the simple things, as they are amplified to me by the disorderly nature of modern life. Vegetarianism is going well, and I would mostly call it a conscious effort to refocus on my eating. School is well, but almost on the furthest back burner as my mind strives for more.

During a time like this, simple things make more sense, books talk to me more directly, the motorcycle rides are more free. I also came across the idea of lights out from a “green” type blog. For two hours a day, this person does his best to refrain from using electricity. In doing this, more variety in thought and more robust experiences are revitalized. So I try this every once in a while.

Then, I come across this random video today. You will like it:

Here’s to one of the most stressful, life-in-general weeks that I have ever had. And the peace it brought me.

Well, that was most certainly one of the coolest electrical storms and cold front entrances that I have seen in a while. The air was dead silent, then the treetops jolted over sideways and one of the brightest yet most opaque skies opened itself up to chilled rain. The front moved right through and the air temperature dropped by about 15 degrees in 20 minutes or so.

Nature speaks in many ways. Take the time to enjoy it and listen in every once in a while.

I seem to have forgotten how much I am in love with current.tv. Watch.

from current.com posted with vodpod

And they separated ways into the forest. Who knew which ending he would take? How many choices did he have? Would it be on his own terms? Why don’t we live life on our own terms, anyway? We seem to take this tool called “social” and grant it access to dictate our thoughts, actions, and schedules. Whomever invented this “social” did not mean for it to become this sort of crap festival.

Firstly, one thing he did was to suppress his thoughts until his bladder burst. That was a terrible decision, and he had heard that before. Didn’t make a difference to him. To silence one’s own thoughts is similar to dying. And it just made him more anxious, anyway. Anxious about the whole situation. What is a situation when it changes your whole outlook on life?

He was an experimental guy, so he moved on from this thoughtless stage of mind. Next, he walked for miles, trying to clear his mind. Use separate minds!

While I work the social part of the universe, when I am talking to person A, all thoughts are filtered, targeted, and flowing to that person. This, in turn, makes me the human to person A. Person B comes along, and person A never existed. Think of it as a gutless, more complicated version of his first failed approach of blocking all thoughts. Wait! Did it work? Not this time. He didn’t know, but his heart knew all the time.

Finally, thoroughly frustrated, he tried one last thing before his brain fried. He tried what he thought to be brainwashing himself. Modifying the perspective. He took what most thought to be two entirely different things, like the sun and a small tree, and scrutinized them closel, and he combined them. Mentally. Quickly he switched them back and forth in his mind.

What he found was amazing. Not only was this decision or situation just an answer, but it was a way of life. A way to constant joy. As many places as he wandered in the forest, it all made sense now. Even though the monumental decision existed quietly in his own head, it screamed out from every inch of his soul. He sat by a rock with a busted bladder, and he was that much better for it.

For not settling or tuning out and dying to his life and thoughts. For facing his thoughts in a weird unconventional way. For forcing his mind to think. For not worrying and talking to his family about bills, business, shopping centers, new homes, new cars, new commercials. For taking life into his own terms. That was a huge step. A progressive step, you could say. As you witnessed, the wrong mindful approach to life could have turned our wanderer into a much of unhappiness for life. Instead, he reaches towards and embraces those qualities that set him free. Free to live the best life that he could thanks to thought.